Toronto Law Enforcement Endorses Medieval Killing Practices!


Don’t get me wrong.  I appreciate law enforcement and have only had good experiences with police, once giving me a napkin after noticing i had bike grease all over my hands from changing the tire, another time, just riding up beside me and chatting, and daily keeping my old hood “crack town” safe and sound.  This story is by no means a generalization or meant to slander cops.  It is just my experience with a sociopath who just happened to be a police officer, his role in society making the entire situation freakier. 

Last week I went to my second Blue Jays game ever. Being a rooky I texted my Jay’s obsessed friend saying, “Hey, I’m at the Blues game”.  “Blues game?, he laughed”.  Well I now know that to be taken seriously it must be called either the Blue Jays game or the Jays.  Now I am knowledgeable and you are too – Chloe’s lesson of the day!

So, I went with three friends. Myself and the sexy lead singer Nate of the band were only there to drink some beer and be ridiculous with our friends.  I don’t think I actually paid attention to the game for more than 10 min total. 

At some point before it had ended we all decided to leave, Justin had to pee so the three of us awaited his return seated on a bench and people watching.

Up strolled confidently, a police officer, like a cow smacking his gum.  Hands in his pockets with a cocky swagger and taking himself very seriously he made eyes with us, meandered over and started up a conversation.

He seemed eager to show off his bravery, strength and power so we egged him on and asked him questions about the dangers of patrolling a Blue Jays game at the Rogers Centre.

“Well, he said, it’s pretty dangerous.  People get rowdy after a game”

“Are there ever fights”, we asked?

“Oh yeah, he retorted, swaying his hips as if his manhood held the key to his authority.

“Are there ever shootings”, I asked.

“Oh yeah, yep.. mmm hm..” as he grabbed for what looked like his retainer. Clear and covered in saliva, he slurped up the excess. “I’ve got to wear this mouth guard”.  Very proud of himself and his imagined or confabulated or exaggerated near death experiences his began to rant

“I just wish we could go back to the Roman Empire so I could just kill anyone who mouthed off to me”.

In disbelief, we all decided to see how far he would go.  Did he really mean this or was he just kidding?  No no, he was serious.  I wanted to confirm his statement so I said, “ Yeah, wouldn’t that be great if we could just kill people?…and he nodded in agreement.

Gob smacked, Justin and I looked at each other motioning to film this conversation.  Think of the YouTube hits.  However, just as with my life, my phone is overloaded with crap and has no more space left for videos (of course) and Justin was scared to be too conspicuous.

So we just continued on attempting to dig out more on his strange medieval beliefs.  It turns out that he is of Roman descent and according to his logic this explains why he thinks the way he does.  He, being of such noble blood should be granted the authority to decide who should live and die.  “An eye for an eye”, he said.

But no no it didn’t end there.  This macho man of course was a little oversexed.  Once the drool had subsided and he felt we were all in agreement, he blocked out the other 3 and turned to me and asked, “So Chloe, where do you live?”.  Uhhhh St. Clair and Dufferin.

We quickly saw where this was going and made our move.

Nice meeting you sir…